Muses & Visionaries spoke to Heather Wiese-Alexander, founder and owner of bell’INVITO, to discuss the lost art of the written thank you note.
The 5 Do’s:
1. Write often. To send or not to send a thank you note? Err on the side of sending. If someone has made an effort to treat you special in some way, that is the perfect reason to send a thank you note.
2. Handwrite your thank you note. It’s tempting to send a quick text or email, and it’s completely fine to do so. Being immediately grateful is good manners but don’t forget the proper finish. The handwritten note of thanks is arguably one of the easiest ways to look both sincere- ly grateful and polished.
3. Use occasion appropriate stationery. If your stationery drawer is full of bright colors and cute motifs, consider adding a set of more subdued pieces to your stash. For example, you wouldn’t send the same whimsical stationery for a thank you note after a job interview that you would use to thank your friend for a witty birthday gift.
4. Be prompt. Being grateful is a great way to end your day or week. Finding a moment to write out a note may be daunting with your hectic schedule, but being grateful is good for the soul. Send your note within a week of receiving the gift or gesture. No excuses.
5. Be sincere. You don’t have to be formal when you are sending a note of appreciation. Be yourself. Sincerity with a few mistakes beats a cold formal textbook note any day. Give yourself credit for being fantastic just the way you are.
The 5 Dont’s:
1. Don’t skip it. Oops! You completely forgot to send a thank you note, and it’s been a month or more. Send your note anyway. Everyone is busy. Everyone makes a blunder now and then. Chances are it will arrive at just the right time to brighten someone’s day and make them feel appreciated.
2. Don’t gush or make excuses. Use the adjectives that you sincerely mean, but hold yourself back from going over the top to fill the space or convey what you perceive as the ideal level of gratitude. If the note is late, skip the excuses. The reasons may be legit, but skip them.
3. Don’t follow form. Yes, you have so many thank you notes to write. Lucky you! Avoid the convention of form letters or signing a typed note. Each one should be written by hand. If you had a large occasion, like a wedding or birthday party, the expectation for prompt thank you notes is a bit flexible. Take on a manageable number every night and start writing.
4. Don’t mention it. Your friends know you so well that you received the same gift six times, and now you have store credit. Do not mention this. Be grateful for the gift, the generosity and the spirit in which it was given, but do not mention trades, returns or anything of the sort. Even to close friends. Even to your sister.
5. Don’t delegate. Some of the best party planners are the ultra-organized types, but you must not ask your guests to write their own ad- dresses on your thank you note envelopes. Use a guestbook to collect the necessary information. However tempting and practical, refrain from farming out your social responsibilities to your guests.
